A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. Think of it this way: if the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You'd distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don't want to be seen as callous or rude, but there's a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. They set limits.Ĭomplainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. The important thing to remember is that you are in control of far more than you realize. To deal with difficult people effectively, you need an approach that enables you, across the board, to control what you can and eliminate what you can't. While I've run across numerous effective strategies that smart people employ when dealing with difficult people, what follows are some of the best. Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ to keep difficult people at bay. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to neutralize difficult people. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we've found that 90 percent of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. Whether it's negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome or just plain craziness, difficult people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs. Recent research from the Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions - the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with difficult people - caused subjects' brains to have a massive stress response. It's the unexpected sources of stress that take you by surprise and harm you the most. If your non-profit is working to land a grant that your organization needs to function, you're bound to feel stress and likely know how to manage it. Most sources of stress at work are easy to identify. Stress is a formidable threat to your success - when stress gets out of control, your brain and your performance suffer. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small "arms" that brain cells use to communicate with each other), and months of stress can permanently destroy neurons. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus - an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain.
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